The Gift of Thanks

While there are many lessons that I learned from my mother as a child, none has stuck with me quite as much as the importance of saying thank you.

As soon as the last present was unwrapped on my birthday, I knew the clock was ticking. Handwritten thank-you cards had to be out within one – or at most two – weeks. When picking me up from a friend’s house or a birthday party, she would always make sure that I went up to the host, looked them in the eye, and thanked them for letting me participate in the day’s activities.

At the time, I didn’t think much about it. The act of saying thank you became a habit, a sign of good manners, but I didn’t really understand why it was important to show gratitude or how it impacted me or others.

As I grew older, my mother’s consistent emphasis on gratitude – her expectation that I recognize the good in my life and express appreciation for it – fostered in me a positive mindset and a desire to, as the saying goes, “make lemonade out of lemons,” It’s an attitude that I have tried to retain to this day.

Researchers in the new positive psychology movement are increasingly finding evidence to support anecdotal observations of the importance of fostering gratitude in our children. As Shawn Achor, author of The Happiness Advantage and a Common Ground speaker earlier this year, noted, “Countless studies have shown that consistently grateful people are more energetic, emotionally intelligent, forgiving, and less likely to be depressed, anxious or lonely.”

Gratitude can also be a catalyst for positive behaviors. I can’t tell you the number of times that I’ve been inspired to do something – or do something again – because someone expressed appreciation for my behavior.

It doesn’t take much. A few weeks ago, I read to a group of 2nd graders. The next morning, as I was opening the door at carpool, one little boy jumped out of the car and said, “Thanks again for reading to us yesterday, Mr. Silver. I really liked that book.” With those two quick sentences, that little boy made a huge impression on me, for I realized that my visit to his class had meant something to him. More importantly, his gratitude was completely unsolicited. He wasn’t just trying to be polite or show me good manners. He was expressing genuine appreciation for a small thing I had done for him and his classmates. You can bet his comment has made me even more enthusiastic about reading to his class and others.

As we near the end of the school year, I am particularly attentive to the many ways in which we as a community express gratitude for each other. Earlier this week, the HSPC used their final meeting of the year as a forum to thank people for their involvement in the community. In addition, the group honored Lower School Head Shelly Luke Wille, a moving recognition for a remarkable educator who has given so much to this school in the past six years.

Last weekend, during our 75th anniversary festivities, alumni recognized two Hillbrook legends – retired JK teacher Peggy McNutt and soon-to-be retired librarian Charlene Douglass – as honorary Hillbrook alums. This new recognition, which will become an annual part of our alumni luncheon, is a way for the alumni and the school to show gratitude for teachers who have devoted significant portions of their careers to our school. Mrs. McNutt and Mrs. Douglass are worthy entrants into what will eventually become Hillbrook’s equivalent of a faculty hall of fame.

In just a few weeks, we will have an opportunity to appreciate all faculty as part of the annual Faculty Appreciation Day. I know that each family has stories of the powerful impact that different faculty members have had on their children. As a longtime teacher, I can assure you that I still treasure notes from students and parents who thanked me for playing a role in their lives.

Next week will be our first-ever Gratitude Week, an opportunity for us as a community to focus on the many things that we are grateful for at Hillbrook. The week emerged out of conversations of how we can show appreciation for the extraordinary philanthropic support provided by our community this year for the Annual Fund, the Auction, and the Walk-a-Thon. Starting next Monday at Flag, students will have an opportunity to participate in a week-long scavenger hunt to locate signs placed around campus identifying things that people are grateful for at the school. Throughout the week, there will be small expressions of gratitude, a reminder of things both big and small for which we are thankful.

The week promises to raise our awareness about what we are thankful for at Hillbrook and, in the process, foster that spirit of gratitude that my mother tried so hard to develop in me as a child.

I encourage everyone in our community to take a moment to express appreciation to someone. Write a short note to a teacher, thank a fellow parent for the ways in which they have helped you at some point during the year, tell your child’s coach or music teacher how much you appreciate their extra work and effort. It doesn’t matter how you do it – just make the effort to say thank you.