Contributed by Erin Schwartz, Director Of Communications and Community Engagement
Growing up, I read – and loved – a popular children’s book series, Daniel Handler’s (aka Lemony Snicket), A Series Of Unfortunate Events. I remember that what struck me most was the unique perspective these books offered its young readers. The protagonists were three children, all orphans, spanning babyhood to early adolescence. The struggles and dangers they faced throughout their journey related directly to the fact that their voices were silenced and their thoughts and feelings went – without fail – unacknowledged. Adults would talk over their heads and never once asked how something made them feel. Their plight resonated with me because of the frustration and anxiety that I felt for these characters who were entirely powerless in their own lives.
As a parent, this series delivers a firm reminder to listen to my children and to do what I can to empower their individual voices. As an adult reader now, I understand that the true villain of these books is not the kidnapping and conniving Count Olaf, but each and every adult who lacks the ability to express or uphold any sense of empathy for the children’s experiences.
As I consider the vital importance of developing empathy in our young ones, the arm reaches so much further than “I want my children to be kind and to know kindness.” We all want our children to feel safe and to be secure in the fact that they are known – and know themselves – throughout their lives. We want them to know that their thoughts and emotions are valuable so that they can feel empowered to master their own futures and are inspired to better the lives of others.
According to How Parents Can Cultivate Empathy in Children, a publication from Harvard University’s Making Caring Common initiative, “empathy is at the heart of what it means to be human. It’s a foundation for acting ethically, for good relationships of many kinds, for loving well, and for professional success.” In building our children’s confidence and self-awareness, we are achieving a much greater task: we are inspiring them to expand their horizons and reach beyond themselves to make a positive difference in the world.
At Hillbrook, social-emotional learning opportunities are intentionally woven into the fabric of our curriculum and students benefit from the moments of self-reflection and growth that these provide.
As a partner to parents in the development and education of each of our students, here is one of the ways empathy is practiced in the lower school:
Yesterday afternoon, our 2nd grade class, in collaboration with homeroom teachers and our Diversity & Inclusivity Coordinator, enjoyed a valuable afternoon surrounding empathy. The outcomes of this self-reflective practice were poignant and thought-provoking.
Learning how to stand in others’ shoes: The class first considered the idea of “walking in someone else’s shoes,” with Susan DeBell’s book, How Do I Stand In Your Shoes? Reflections afterward revealed children who articulated empathy for the hard work their parents do everyday and a teacher who reconsidered her frustration with chores at home, showing our students that even as grown-ups, empathy is a lifelong skill that needs honing and care.
Finding clues to help with empathy: Children and adults alike took the opportunity to write down something that they never wanted to hear or be teased about from someone else.
Sharing in a safe space: Each participant gathered in a circle, was invited to share (or pass on) what he or she had written, and could take a step forward to show support and empathy for what their peers shared. It was fascinating to see students consistently step forward in support of those whose thoughts opposed theirs – empathy was at work!
Envisioning a better tomorrow: Students were given tools on how to conflict resolve and encourage empathy amongst those around them. “If someone makes a mistake, you can say ‘ouch’ to let them know how what they said or did made you feel. We are not perfect. We will make mistakes.” – Ms. Findlay, Diversity & Inclusivity Coordinator
Here are some final reflections from our students and teachers:
“I liked that activity so that people know what I never want to hear.”
“I feel sad because it’s a lot of heavy feelings.”
In response, one of our teachers offered: “Sometimes it’s good to experience those feelings so that we know how to take care of people. That is empathy.”
“It made me feel like I should never say to somebody the thing they never want to hear.”
“It brought me back to kindergarten and 1st grade.”
“I am happy because people finally know.”
When children feel that their physical and emotional beings are safe, validated, and valued, they flourish. The ability to feel empathy for family, friends, and strangers alike can help any individual reach for their highest inward and outward potential in all that they do.
Curious to practice building empathy along with your child at home? Here are a few suggestions:
- Ask questions. Check in with your child and take an interest in their passions, feelings, and experiences.
- Encourage self-care. Going for a walk, reading a book, or simply having some quiet reflection time can help your child re-center and de-stress.
- Zoom in and zoom out. This helps your child expand their consciousness and care for those around them. Challenge them to listen to their peers and reflect on the struggles of people, even those external to their inner circle (e.x. close friends, family, school community). When children can understand and acknowledge different perspectives and struggles, they can widen their capacity to empathize with those in their inner circle and the world around them.
Source:
Making Caring Common Project: How Parents Can Cultivate Empathy in Children