Yesterday was a dark day in our nation’s history. An insurgent attack on the Capitol Building by an angry mob that had been incited and encouraged by the President earlier in the day threatened the lives of elected officials, law enforcement and citizens, and led to destruction, terror, and death. The images on television throughout the afternoon were unsettling, disorienting, and frightening. There is little doubt that this will become one of those days where years from now we will say, “I remember where I was on January 6, 2021.”
During the early evening, the images on television shifted as Congress resumed its session and members of Congress continued the work of certifying the 2020 presidential election. By the end of the night, Congress had completed its work and our nation had reaffirmed that our democracy is stronger than the violent, anti-democratic, terrorist activity of the insurgents earlier in the day. At the same time, I was reminded of the precariousness of our democracy and of the deep hold that some of our country’s darkest instincts, particularly white supremacy and racism, have on us to this day. As many have noted, the response to the rioters felt starkly different from responses to the Black Lives Matter protests earlier in the year. It seems impossible to believe that people of color could have breached the Capitol Building and received similar treatment.
As parents, I know how challenging it can be to process an event like this yourself and, at the same time, make sense of it for your children. Here are several resources – The National Association of School Psychologists , The American Psychological Association, Commonsense Media – that might be helpful as you navigate this moment with your children. In brief, these resources encourage all of us as parents to:
- Open a space for our children to ask questions and proactively ask them what they know. When you start with where the child is, you ensure that you can engage them at the level they are ready for. Children hear and notice more than we sometimes realize, and it is important to create a space for them to process their feelings and help them make sense of what they are hearing. With young children you might start with, “Something big happened in our country yesterday. What have you heard grown ups or kids say about it?”
- Share our feelings. It is helpful to acknowledge our feelings with our children, as it helps them to see we are human. They also get a chance to see that even though we may be upset, we can pull ourselves together and continue on. Children learn to understand and react to the world around them by watching how the adults in their lives process and respond to hard things. We are all critical role models for our children and students in these moments.
- Answer questions simply and directly. Pay close attention to what your child is asking. Answer the question asked, not the question you think you heard. Remember that children may mirror language they have heard adults or older peers using, but that does not always mean they are ready to process the full scope of events or feelings.
- Reassure your children that they are safe and that they are loved.
This morning, I had the privilege of spending time with one of our Middle School advisory groups as they debriefed this dark and disturbing day. Head of Middle School Amy Hand, with input from other teachers and members of the leadership team, created a lesson to ensure all Middle School students started today with an opportunity to learn about and process the day. The activity started by helping students understand what happened, including a clear message that the storming the Capitol was an unprecedented event in our nation’s history. At the same time, students were reassured that they are safe and that we do not believe our country is on the brink of war. Students then had an opportunity to process a series of images from the day. In my group, there was lengthy discussion of one image and students shared specifically what they saw in the image – rioters pushing against a group of police officers trying to hold back the barricade. Students noted that most of the rioters appeared to be white, that they saw a variety of flags, including Trump flags and American flags, and that there looked like there were a lot more rioters than there were officers.
What struck me more than anything as we were having the conversation was the powerful message we were sending to students that school is a place to talk about complex, challenging, real-world events. As Middle School Head Amy Hand noted in a communication to Middle School families yesterday evening, our students have spent considerable time this year learning how to have these types of conversations through Reach Beyond Block units that have focused on anti-racism, the presidential election, and how to process current events. As she wrote,
“Through these areas of focus, your students have developed practice in having political conversations, built capacity for respectful and informed disagreement, and made a habit of seeing school as a place where they have meaningful exchanges about events happening in the world around them. Across these spaces and the rest of their classes, teachers establish and revisit communication norms with students to ensure healthy dialogue, and they use their expertise and careful planning to present challenging topics in a way that stretches students’ thinking while remaining developmentally appropriate. We therefore feel exceptionally prepared for moments like these, when we are called on as an educational community to respond to difficult moments that we face as a country.”
Through today’s conversations we provided yet another model for how to have civil discourse, something that has never been more important for our country. As a U.S. historian, I have long pointed to the peaceful transfer of power in our country as a shining example of the enduring strength of our democratic values. Over these last few months and culminating in yesterday’s insurrection, we have seen that this peaceful transfer of power is not guaranteed. It is a harrowing thought and a powerful reminder of the vital role Hillbrook and other schools need to play in preparing our children to be positive, contributing members of a democratic society.
At Hillbrook, our mission and vision and our deep commitment to diversity, equity, and inclusion compels us not to not look the other way when things happen outside the classroom, and we actively work with our teachers to be prepared to pivot when events like yesterday present themselves to us. We will continue to keep you apprised of how we navigate current events as a school and provide resources to support you in building on these conversations at home. Our collective pursuit of inspiring children to achieve their dreams and reach beyond themselves to make a difference in the world has never been more important.
Warmly,
Mark Silver, Head of School